How not to die in a movie!!

This annoys me so badly..

You know the scene, person home alone, Monster, Villain or whatever it is sneaks in, the person hears a noise, decides to investigate, DUH!!. grab your S**T and GO!!, don't wander around the house looking for the noise, go stand in your garden, whatever it is will get bored and leave. Job Done!!.

Shopping - A Male perspective

As a male member of the population (and I'm pretty sure all us males do this), when I go shopping, food, clothes, whatever it may be, I go into the desired shop, I pick up an item, I go to pay, I walk out with purchased item. Easy. No fuss.

Women on the other hand have a slightly different view..

Whenever you go shopping with a Woman who wants to buy clothes you need...

1) The patience of a Saint
2) Very comfortable footwear
3) Camping Gear

Honestly, I don't understand it, you go in to a shop, they see something they like and you think.. yes, that was easy, that's about the time you realize your in for a long day, you try to persuade them to buy it, but nooooo, they have other ideas..

Firstly they explain how it might be cheaper elsewhere, but on the way to the cheaper shop, you see a coffee shop, so you end up spending the money you were going to save in there!!.. then they start telling you they don't have the right accessories to go with it, it's a pair of shoes, what accessories can they have??.. Rockets???..

So there you are wandering from shop to shop thinking you are stuck in an endless cycle, wishing the nightmare would end, or aliens would come and abduct you, (although I'm pretty sure they steer clear of Women when their shopping!!), when you realize your back in the first shop and she's buying from there, WTF!!!..

Funny Pictures, Keep me sane

This picture is one of my all time favourite funnies, I cant help but laugh when I see it, I mean c'mon woman, are you that retarded. 

Where are my Keys???

For a while now I have been thinking my keys have developed some sort of hypnotic powers over me, the instant I put them down I forget where I've put them, I even have to factor in the time it takes to find them when I make appointments or arrange to meet up with friends, I lose my keys on pretty much a daily basis, and I can now only see 2 options to sort it, A) surgically graft them to my hand or B) live in a hotel. My keys are the 2nd most lost thing in my life, the first?, the time spent bloody looking for them..

Dumb

Nope - YOUR A KITTEN!!!! - Grow up!!!

Reality T.V - Is there a point??

I know millions of people enjoy these types of programs, thats why they are still somehow getting airtime. I HATE shows like this, WHY, WHY, WHY, fill our T.V airtime with CACK!!!, wow people in a room talking, woooooo, oh look, people sleeping, erm, is there any point to any of these shows, I don't care what your eating for breakfast, or how you sleep in your bed, in-fact, who are you??. Oh yeah that's right, no-one, yet your gonna make a truck load of cash for sitting around in your pj's doing jack s**t!!!.

How to enjoy a Movie

The best way to enjoy a movie is by yourself, how many times have you sat with someone and watched a movie and thought, God damn, will you shut up!!.

Who's that?, Why there?, What they doing?, STOP, Please STOP!!, I'm sat here with you, I cant see ten minutes into the future, I don't know Who, Why, What, Where and How, I'm watching it at exactly the same time as you, and now because you didn't shut up with the questions, I'm lost, I've gotta rewind just so I can find out whats going on, and yes when I do, you'll be the first to know OKAY?, GOOD, in-fact, go back to sleep, I'll explain it when it's finished, then we both win!!